ok a month and 2-3 weeks ago i went to a party
background: ollie hated me for telling him i liked him...met a guy for jared who really liked me for me and we really bonded! i was still head over heels for ollie and i guess maybe i am a little!
ok so that night: me and ollie argued because me and jared were getting along and he said that i had moved on quick when he had told me that he didnt want to be with me!
so was really angry and upset that he could be so just soooo erghhh
and drank a lot of vodka ok so blanked out the whole night apart from when the drink leaves my system theres a guy on top of me. ok so i cant be bothered to explain the rest word for word....but i find out that it wasnt just him i had slept with there was a nother guy! soo i had lost my virginity i felt dirty and skanky!
i had to get the morning after pill...done....ok so then the texts start coming in 2 guys tell me there sorry they didnt stop it...they understand....the rest...your a slag...your skank...2 guys in one night thats filth...the worst ollie...he blows i all out of proportion and gets angry and wont let me explain that i didnt want to do it that i was drunk and i didnt no what i was doing......
soooo jared is really caring about the whole thing he helps me through...but for 4 days i lock my self in my room and cry....cry myself to sleep and wash 3 times a day i feel dirty and disgusting and i just want to be rid of the whole situation.
so i go on hoilday its great i feel away from it and no one knows about it so i feel free and relieved everything is going to be great....one night i tell my cousin in faith she tells me i could do them for rape shes right i was raped! i was drunk and taken advantage of....i dont want to use that word because i dont want to do them cause who knows what i was like...but basically it is i wouldnt of slept with them other wise i wouldnt of even touched them! so i get back thinking shit i was raped!
it hits me im scared what people are going to say when i see them again....two nights after i get abck i wake up crying thinking about it i cant sleep the next night samething it keeps happening i wake up crying about what happened! i feel inncoent and used and i dont want a relationship i dont want sex i dont want anything with a nother guy like that im to scared!
so i go out for a meal and ollie is there he doesnt speak i swear there all talking about me....my best friend still doesnt seem to realise the shit i have been through....ollie talks to me...a first for 1 month and 2-3 weeks he says whats wrong im like wth hes eing nice i go waht you mean....he says your not marylinda (like the choclate biscutes) anymore...one of my nicknames... its like why are you being nice i tell him cause he was the one who hurt me the most. he says why didnt you tell me before i try to explain to him i did but he wouldnt listen he appoligise and says he takes everything back! its just still it doesnt help i was basically raped and theres nothing i can do to change it even if i want to i have been scared for life and i dont no when things will be good again. i am starting school again soon and im just gonna take the bullshit as long as ollie understands....
im not saying i want sympathy i just needed to let it out....my life is good as it is..this shit thing is nothing my best friend loves me she jsut doesnt no how to handel theses things i have guys who like me i just dont want them and ollie is talking to me again thats good... this one thing is just something that is a hiccup in my life again and i just wanted to write about it cause it hurts me so much.
signed : confessions of a teenage drama queen
]]>i have lost my phone as welll so i need to buy a new one on my budget of 60 pounds this summer!!!!!
it sucks..
so at the momemnt my life is having a low, it hasnt been this bad since..... i think 2 years ago! so i guess im back to being my "emo" person again as i was called...
so depressed just hope something goes alright!!!!
]]>so lets start
i had a boyfrind who didn't speak to me didnt see me and couldn't be arsed to get off his butt to come talk to me!!! or even see me. what an amazing relationship hey!!!!!!!!!
i know!
so anyway i decided i need to break with him.. lets leave that there
ok so thers his mate ollie... he really liked my best mate! and i was there for him every second helping him to try get with her...and then get over her. all though i would do that to anyone..the reason i was so interested with it i think i had fallen for him. A BIG NO NO.
soo i think he started liking me he sent me text with just kisses in out of the blue.. he talked to me all the time....but everyone thought i liked ash.. and i did and i knew i couldnt make anymoves with ollie becasue of lora and everyone would be like why u with him!!! so i left it and we were just mates...i went out with ashley
ok
so problem 1:
i couldnt stop thinking of him! this is ollie!!! he would sign on msn and i would be like yes ollie....when ever i saw him i would smile for no reason!!!! and there wass something about him that i liked....
so i was with ashley and in love with someone else and dreading the relationship i was in,.. at times it was fine but he couldnt be arsed to make an effort soo i gave up!!!!
problem 2:
ollie starts texting my best mate jo i get super jelouse he doesnt no this i just tell him to be carefull and bad mouth her which i shouldnt and i feel so sorry because she is such a nice person!!!
so he then also texts this other girl...dont no who she is i get super super jelouse!!!! i feel like there is no hope for me anywhere in life!!
problem 3: last night.....i decided i need to finish with ashley! i get soo pissed but i dont mean to....dump ashley i cant even remeber what i said and i feel really bad becasue im a nice person and i dont do that!!!!
i then talk to ollie!!!! and i go did you ever like me....i think but could be wrong cause cant remeber much because i was pissed...he says i did i loved you....but he said i did..i DID!! did...did!!!
so then i cry to him about how much i like him doesnt believe me i get so upset!! okkkk
loras..my best mates thoughts on this: she though ollie was just flirting with me he does that he wiill play a girl then leave them,...but he didnt to her...is she jelouse that i like him/angry..or being truthfull.....
ok so she then says that night that he told her thattt me and him are just amtes....which is all my fault for sayin that....
like my old mate dan...i fancied him for ages and he was like were just mates....i mean were so close and now we are just mates but it hurt me...and i cant deal with it again not if ollie gets with a girl and im there ill be soo hurt!!!!!!!!!
anyway to wrap it up
ollie used to like me i ruiend it i look like a twat for cryin infront of him! i have probably scared him off ruined it for ever!!
lora says i should elave it...
but i cant stop thinking of him and its soo bad i cant do this!!!!!!!!
to top of my day!
the guy lora likes had a go at me nad i was not in the mood and he wouldnt stop...and now things bettween her and him are rocky!!!!
but hes so vvain and stuck up his own arse anyway....!!!!
i stil lget confused though he wont tell me how he feels.... when i asked what do you want to do...he went i dunno....then iw ent just friends then..and he went i dunno friends for now!
alsooo he keeps sayin mary you dont love me...is that him not believeing me, becasue he loves me...or he just wants me to leave him alone
maybe he wants to be single for summer..i mean i do to..i just wanna no i have him when i come back
anyway thats my life recently completly shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i cant stop cryin over this guy!!!
and i cant stop thinkin of him and i want him out of my head...now i would rahter leave it
becaue... if i cant be with him i would rather be best mates with him next to him and talking rahter than away and crying.
thanks if you read this just a way of venting anger and my upsetleave a comment if u have advise its needed!!! orrr if u have a simillar situation!!!
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